I've got things to share with you. There's no rhyme and reason to the string of events, revelations, and conclusions I've been making since my last post, but the accumulation of said things is solidifying this new, strange country in my mind and in my eyes. In this moving mass-- ants moving from point A to point B-- I'm stringing pieces together, I'm seeing a route behind what seemed like mere wanderings. I'm far from really understanding this complex society, but I'm in a better position than I was when I first arrived in China.
Teaching English is... What is it? I can't honestly describe it as fun, thought-provoking, or interesting... I'm referring to the basic teaching of English vocabulary and concepts. Don't get me wrong, these classes can sometimes be engaging and fun when students choose to be talkative and insightful, but more often than not you plug through the lesson, and try to make a class on “business negotiations” seem interesting. No, what I find interesting are the conversations that somehow sneak into my lessons-- these conversations usually revolve around the Chinese mentality, the Chinese culture, and how American culture perhaps differs from Chinese.
These kinds of topics are what I consider stimulating, and I know my students are more than curious about life in America and Americans. Through these basic conversations I've gotten a feel for Chinese hate towards the Japanese, but also found a student who is learning Japanese, can speak Japanese better than English, and finds the history between Japan and China intriguing and wants to learn more than her history textbooks have fed her (aka the Chinese government). I've also realized the differences between American and Chinese dating culture, and how marriages are viewed by the Chinese. The Chinese think Americans date many people before finally getting married whereas the Chinese only date a few people and then will get married. The Chinese will also bring home their boo if and only if they are going to marry them so you know if you're invited to eat dinner with the parents it's serious. Of course in America it's quite different.
My favorite class is the social club, which I have 4 times a week, because I can choose a topic to teach and discuss with a group of students usually ranging from 4 to 30. I'm ready to admit I like to choose controversial topics, but always making sure to respect Chinese culture and the taboo of directly speaking of government and Chinese politics. I've chosen topics like vegetarianism, the ban on video game consoles, war, the anniversary of 9/11 and the “war on terror”, homosexuality in China, and gun violence and control in China and America. I like to choose these kind of topics because I take pride in knowing I expanded my students' minds and forced them to think about something they may have never thought about on their own.
In return, I learn about what my Chinese students think about the aforementioned topics, helping me understand Chinese culture a little bit better. So I've learned that the Chinese (of course this is a generalization) believe that people aren't entitled to all these rights Americans believe they deserve, such as the right to own guns. There is a nationwide campaign against guns in China, and owning, selling, or producing guns is illegal. The only people who can own guns are law enforcement types-- the military and police. Although guns are illegal, they aren't non-existent, but levels of gun use and production are much, much, much lower in China than in the US. The Chinese hold sacrifice and harmony in higher regard than freedom. For example, they think if someone is secretly gay and has a family perhaps it's better to keep it inside to maintain the happiness and harmony of his/her family. You might think it's because Chinese are fed this kind of propaganda about the importance and virtue of harmony, but they're not completely ignorant. They know it's propaganda, and they certainly don't think having no rights is acceptable either. When it came to the video game ban, they argued that the Chinese government had no right to tell people what to do and that it was a private matter whether or not students were spending too much time playing video games. I learned a lot about what the Chinese think about 9/11 and the American “war on terror”, and was impressed by some students' profound thinking and sensitivity. One of my favorite students Jack (who apparently was the sole survivor on the Chinese “Survivor” TV show) explained how he believes the 9/11 terrorist attack was a result of misunderstanding and fear between two very different cultures. Another student told me she thinks that it was a long time coming because America's unnecessary involvement in everybody else's business. So while the world may think that Chinese people are ignorant and believe everything the government tells them, I have come to find this is completely untrue. Although the Chinese may not know the truth behind an event, they certainly know what they know is a lie. They are completely aware the Chinese government lies, covers up, and feeds its people bullshit. They eat it, noses wrinkled, but they don't swallow and digest. Some even throw it right back up. I guess my question now is how do Chinese people find a balance? How do they operate in such a society, under a government they know is so blatantly disrespectful and dishonest with them? But then again, I guess I can ask myself the very same question about living in America.
I think I even changed the minds of some students on the subject of homosexuality after reading personal stories of 3 homosexuals in China whose lives are very difficult in such a traditional society where most people (the older generation) aren't very accepting of homosexuals. Initially a lot of the students thought that homosexuals are born gay, while some even argued on the “nurture” side and said societal conditions and experiences (perhaps a lack of a father figure or a bad experience with the opposite sex) turn someone gay. After posing the question “Well, those who are straight, do you choose to like the opposite sex? Do you make a conscious decision to like and be attracted to the opposite sex?”, most students sat in silence and I could see the cogs turning in their brains as they seriously considered this question. Then a student raised his hand and said, “I guess it's instinct... I don't choose, it just comes from the heart so it must be the same for homosexuals.” These are the kind of moments that make teaching English worthwhile, it's not the English itself, but communicating and learning and trading different ideas in English.
Through these kind of off-hand conversations I've come to accept that I didn't come to China for the teaching experience. I think teaching has its value in society, but I personally don't think I'm meant to be a teacher, especially an English teacher. I consider myself to have a lot of patience but when a student is at the beginner level I find myself flustered sometimes, and then when I come home to Doodle who is in essence a very active child who doesn't know any better, my patience runs dry. What this experience is turning into though is a cultural experience in which I get to sit down and talk to people. Culture can be a stubborn thing sometimes-- at times culture is obvious and can easily be seen although it may be hard to digest, and difficult to understand at such a surface level. Due to this aspect of culture, you need to provoke it and be relentless. You need to ask people questions because culture speaks volumes through the people it envelopes. Culture is a breathing force, and a very colossal one at that, but it's difficult to discern and identify at times because it's invisible like the wind. At times you can't see it, but you can feel it, pushing you forward, moving you.
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