I'm a little nervous. You probably think I'm talking about my journey to and in China, but I'm not. I'm talking about this blog. I'm nervous this blog will be more about you than it is about me. I mean this in the least narcissistic way possible. Let me explain a little.
Yes, I'm starting this blog mostly because I would like to keep all of you on the other side up to date with my Chinese tales, but I don't want to write what I think you'd like to hear, although there may be a little bit of that at times. I want to write honestly, unchecked by others' wants, about what I find amazing, heartbreaking, hilarious, interesting, or disturbing while I'm in China, which you may not find so amazing, heartbreaking, hilarious, interesting or disturbing. In other words, this blog is not about making you feel comfortable or entertained all the time. I'm going to try to be completely honest with myself in this blog, and in turn will be genuine with ya'll (Merritt, I thought I'd give it a go). I hope that doesn't make you nervous.
I've been finding it difficult to answer people's remarks and questions about China, particularly the "are you excited?" question, as people try to identify the emotions I'm feeling about moving to China for a year.
"Are you scared?"
"Are you nervous?"
"Are you excited?"
I'm sure what I'm feeling is a combination of many overlapping emotions, creating a new emotion I can't possibly describe to anyone because I'm really trying NOT to have emotion about China. I almost see all these emotions as pointless only because I can't even begin to imagine what China is going to be like, especially what it's going to be like for me. I've never been to China. I'm Asian, but the wrong kind (in China). I can count the number of Chinese phrases I can speak on two hands. I love dumplings. But people continue to ask and I continue to think in my head: "well, scared about what?", "well, what things in China should I be nervous about?", and "of course, but I can't even tell you how excited I am because although I know there is much to be excited about, those things have no shape or form yet."
I'm going in totally blind and I like it like that.
If I go in blind, there is so much potential for me to love and be excited about new things and experiences, even if it means there is just as much as potential to be anxious about certain things once I'm there. I think my general attitude and feelings toward making the big move to China can be encapsulated by the tattoo on my foot, "Amo ut invenio," which translates to "I love as I discover." When I first read this in a book, I thought I had never read a truer statement about myself and my attitude towards life. There is so much to discover in China, things I've never tasted, felt, seen, or heard-- and as I start discovering these things for the first time, my love for the world, traveling, and China will only deepen. If you go in with no expectations, there's less chance of disappointment and a very high possibility you will be floored, baffled, and mesmerized by a new country and its people. Discover, love, love, discover.
So I can't verbalize how I'm feeling about China, but I can tell you this much: there's potential for a lot of newfound love and expression over there, and I can't wait to take it all in and share it with you guys, here.
FIRST STOP: HONG KONG. GET IT.
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